Fuck helping people.

I had to call the police before I realized I will never give all I have to help another living soul again.

I let this piss poor excuse of a human into my home after his baby’s mother gave him the idea that I needed a roommate. I’m in a beautiful position where I can afford a two bedroom condo right outside of Brooklyn/Queens and not need a roommate. But I am used to be a giving individual so I fell for the trap and allowed this hood booger into my home. From jump I knew there were going to be issues. I have low level issues with misanthropy and a low tolerance for bullshit. I bit the bullet and afforded myself the opportunity to pay my fortune forward. Fail.

The minute this El DeBarge looking motherfucker walked into my house it felt like I was dealing with a person who wanted to be rescued. I didn’t sign up for that shit. I merely offered this 30 something year old man a place to lay his head while he got his shit together. That is not how this story goes. This kreaton made himself available to all of my creature comforts in minutes. Feet up, ass out, eggs fried. There wasn’t a wet piece of bacon in this motherfucker the next day. He’s literally dried me of all my resources. I refuse to buy groceries because I’m afraid this barnacle will eat me out of house and home by the time I leave work the next day.

We’ve conversed and a lot of what he has to say deals with these ideals that he swears will change the world. He’s gotten layers of side eye and still holds these values dear to his hourly-ed heart. I shocked the shit out of him one day and asked how this “new value system” applied to his current life. He had no answer. This is because he’s what I call a “danswer”; one who skirts around a question and uses semantics to get his bullshit point across instead. I’m well versed to this kind of idiot.

To fill in the gaps, he was well on his way to homeless while dating a girl who still lives with her mother. He doesn’t take care of his kid responsibilities but he feels as though he has the world figured out. He’s some shit straight out of A Guide to Panhandling in Times Square.

And my ignorant ass allowed him into my well established home.

Listen, from jump, I wasn’t money hungry or company deprived. My rent and bills are paid and I have plenty of friends (on Facebook, snapchat, and Instagram). That wasn’t the case at all. I was merely trying to help get a fellow human back on his feet so that he can work on getting his sick sad life together. Little did I know, he thought he’d moved into the Mandalay fucking Bay! My toothpaste, shower gel, laundry detergent, and groceries were not safe around this brown gel queen. He’s literally paid 10% of my monthly rent for 100% access. I’m dead.

How would you deal with an ingrate in your home? I called the police today and, due to NY state law, he’s untouchable!! My only armor is that he can’t prove that he paid anything so, by definition and smell, he’s a squatter.

Someone come collect this bamboo chewing ass bitch before I put bleach in his mouthwash. Thanks.


2 thoughts on “Fuck helping people.

  1. I really just read this whole post and I could not stop laughing lmfaoooo. You’re so mean, but it’s so true and funny. I very much enjoyed this post. 😂😂🙇


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