True Story

I’m at FedEx today, mailing off a package (something typically done at a FedEx). I’d been here numerous times so the guys there and I can always banter and joke back and forth. Today, we were discussing guns. I know. Let me finish. The guy helping me was jokingly telling me a story of how he’d blown one of his fingers off while firing a rifle. I didn’t know this was a joke at the time and was confused as to how the fuck you could blow one finger off with a rifle! Nor did I realize he was actually missing a finger. As he was showing me the collateral (or lack there of because holy fuck the finger was gone) his coworker chimed in to inform me that, in fact, that is not how he lost his finger. Apparently, he’d actually tried to jump a barbed wire fence and lost. I grimaced by nature, and then the funny shit happened.

The fingerless label maker proceeded to suddenly remember that the anniversary of him losing his finger is this weekend. How does one celebrate this occasion? He has a get together with his friends at Applebee’s. He buys the table finger-food. They buy him alcohol. I hit the fucking floor.

To me it’s a tragic situation to walk around less than a whole. I’d absolutely hate losing any sort of external body part. Then comes this guy, all good natured and light hearted and shit, celebrating the loss of his finger by drinking and buying his friends finger-food.

Genius. Pure fucking genius. Good on you sir. The world needs more people with his outlook.


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